Kenji López-Alt Returns From Beef Dimension With New Sear Method Beyond Human Comprehension
Kenji López-Alt Returns From Beef Dimension With New Sear Method Beyond Human Comprehension
by GloveElephant
13 Comments
hotfistdotcom
>grill marks in the picture
is the onion even trying anymore
InterSlayer
Is there any truth to this? How does it work ??
molotovcocktease_
If he doesn’t show up in this comments section to weigh in on this I’m going to be very disappointed.
Tracorre
Needing to cook for both an instant and a thousand eternities implies some sort of time dilation in play so I think we need to be cooking on some sort of pan moving faster than light.
YoohooCthulhu
They also could have played it as “receives Nobel prize for beef engineering” or something like that. This is more Rick and Morty flavored, which probably hits the zeitgeist better.
kai333
I mean if you’re on the Onion, you officially made it. Like yes yes James Beard NYT bestseller whatever. THIS is it lol
unicorntrees
Congratulations u/J_kenji_lopez-alt This is a new career milestone that few achieve.
warrior_3
got me. i really thought this was real and just a creative title to a legit article.
CharlotteBadger
u/J_kenji_lopez-alt u/J_kenji_lopez-alt
Is it kind of like Beetlejuice? I guess we’ll find out!
u/J_kenji_lopez-alt
myfriendjoel
Yet somehow, he will figure out a way to explain in a way that makes it comprehensible.
nidojoker
I quickly scrolled past this a couple times while wasting time at work and rolled my eyes and thought “seriously, Serious Eats?? wtf kind of title…”. Thank god I finally clicked on it so I could get a good chuckle
PlaneWolf2893
SEATTLE—Phasing into our reality with instructions for the new cooking technique, J. Kenji López-Alt returned from the Beef Dimension with a previously unknown sear method that was beyond human comprehension, sources confirmed Tuesday. “I have glimpsed the cosmic dance of the meat and the stovetop and borne witness to beef’s true nature,” said the chef and bestselling author of The Food Lab, who reportedly caused those around him to grow concerned as he jabbered incoherently about mountains of non-Euclidean tri-tips that needed to be cooked on high for both an instant and a thousand eternities. “Oh, you fools, unaware that your pathetic, comforting doctrine of ‘rare, medium, or well-done’ is a lie protecting your fragile consciousness from the culinary tips and tricks that exist beyond the grasp of your minds. I fear humanity will never realize its folly, never tremble before the awesome and terrifying power of beefdom. All hail the cast iron! All hail the oil!” At press time, a screaming López-Alt was seen writhing in agony as his entire face reconstituted into a half-pound porterhouse.
Baconfatty
Based on recent videos I assume the sear method uses eggs. Can’t wait to try it!
13 Comments
>grill marks in the picture
is the onion even trying anymore
Is there any truth to this? How does it work ??
If he doesn’t show up in this comments section to weigh in on this I’m going to be very disappointed.
Needing to cook for both an instant and a thousand eternities implies some sort of time dilation in play so I think we need to be cooking on some sort of pan moving faster than light.
They also could have played it as “receives Nobel prize for beef engineering” or something like that. This is more Rick and Morty flavored, which probably hits the zeitgeist better.
I mean if you’re on the Onion, you officially made it. Like yes yes James Beard NYT bestseller whatever. THIS is it lol
Congratulations u/J_kenji_lopez-alt This is a new career milestone that few achieve.
got me. i really thought this was real and just a creative title to a legit article.
u/J_kenji_lopez-alt
u/J_kenji_lopez-alt
Is it kind of like Beetlejuice? I guess we’ll find out!
u/J_kenji_lopez-alt
Yet somehow, he will figure out a way to explain in a way that makes it comprehensible.
I quickly scrolled past this a couple times while wasting time at work and rolled my eyes and thought “seriously, Serious Eats?? wtf kind of title…”. Thank god I finally clicked on it so I could get a good chuckle
SEATTLE—Phasing into our reality with instructions for the new cooking technique, J. Kenji López-Alt returned from the Beef Dimension with a previously unknown sear method that was beyond human comprehension, sources confirmed Tuesday. “I have glimpsed the cosmic dance of the meat and the stovetop and borne witness to beef’s true nature,” said the chef and bestselling author of The Food Lab, who reportedly caused those around him to grow concerned as he jabbered incoherently about mountains of non-Euclidean tri-tips that needed to be cooked on high for both an instant and a thousand eternities. “Oh, you fools, unaware that your pathetic, comforting doctrine of ‘rare, medium, or well-done’ is a lie protecting your fragile consciousness from the culinary tips and tricks that exist beyond the grasp of your minds. I fear humanity will never realize its folly, never tremble before the awesome and terrifying power of beefdom. All hail the cast iron! All hail the oil!” At press time, a screaming López-Alt was seen writhing in agony as his entire face reconstituted into a half-pound porterhouse.
Based on recent videos I assume the sear method uses eggs. Can’t wait to try it!